Codep Recovery

Codependency recovery includes doing these:

  1. maintain healthy boundaries,
  2. learn to be assertive,
  3. process your core beliefs from childhood,
  4. implement compassionate detachment into care giving,
  5. do self care daily activities, (using relaxation techniques and mindfulness teaches being in the moment,)
  6. identify your triggers.

“The first lesson to learn is to resign oneself to the little difficulties in life, not to hit out at everything one comes up against. If one were able to manage this one would not need to cultivate great power; even one’s presence would be healing.”     Hazrat Inayat Khan

Assertiveness Bill of Rights:

  • I have the right to ask for what I want.
  • I have the right to say no to requests or demands I can’t meet.
  • I have the right to change my mind.
  • I have the right to make mistakes and not have to be perfect.
  • I have the right to follow my own values and standards.
  • I have the right to express all of my feelings, both positive or negative.
  • I have the right to say no to anything when I feel I am not ready, it is unsafe, or it violates my values.
  • I have the right to determine my own priorities.
  • I have the right not to be responsible for others’ behavior, actions, feelings or problems.
  • I have the right to expect honesty from others.
  • I have the right to be angry.
  • I have the right to be uniquely myself.
  • I have the right to feel scared and say “I’m afraid.”
  • I have the right to say “I don’t know.”
  • I have the right not to give excuses or reasons for my behavior.
  • I have the right to make decisions based on my feelings.
  • I have the right to my own needs for personal space and time.
  • I have the right to be playful and frivolous.
  • I have the right to be healthy.
  • I have the right to be in a non-abusive environment.
  • I have the right to make friends and be comfortable around people.
  • I have the right to change and grow.
  • I have the right to have my needs and wants respected by others.
  • I have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
  • I have the right to be happy.

These rights have been adapted from The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Eugene Bourne (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 1995).

Boundaries

“When our boundaries are intact, we know that we have separate feelings, thoughts, and realities. Our boundaries allow us to know who we are in relation to others around us. We need our boundaries to get close to others, since otherwise we would be overwhelmed. Boundaries ensure that our behavior is appropriate and keep us from offending others. When we have healthy boundaries, we also know when we are being abused. A person without boundaries will not know when someone is physically, emotionally, or intellectually violating them.”   Rokelle Lerner

Core Beliefs

“In our lives we are faced with a set of core issues that resurface again and again in different settings, with different people, at different times. These issues involve our relationship with the world, with ourselves, with our Higher Power. These are our life lessons.”   Stephanie Covington and Liana Beckett

 Compassionate Detachment

“I have said so many times to many people on the spiritual path, ‘You must be strong in yourself to help others. People who are in the emotional sea need someone who can pull them out, not someone who gets in with them and gets dragged away by the tidal wave of human emotions. We have to become emotional lifeguards.”     

Gordon Smith

Self Care

“Not only does a more supportive, loving attitude toward ourselves help us heal. But also our growth requires that we step away from the crowd, even if it scares us to do so. When we love ourselves as we are, we give ourselves the strength and confidence to move in our own directions, leave the safety of what has been called “the herd,” and grow into what we really are.”   Marsha Sinetar

Triggers

“When I’m triggered, I think, “This will last forever” or “What if this lasts forever?” I get thoughts about how I should give up, run away, hide, protect myself. These thoughts, I cannot change. What I can change is how I respond to them. Will I unconditionally believe these ideas, or will I accept them as side effects of the temporary experience of pain? Will I act on each thought that arises in the burning fire, or will I hold myself gently and say, “It’ll be okay. I know it hurts. I love you”? My power lies in these choices.”  Vironika Tugaleva